The art and struggles of networking and socialising

Ever been invited to a social event and all you were doing was mooching off the conversations the people you were comfortable enough with were having with others? If you have, welcome to being me last night. Yes, me, who considers myself to be somewhat of a chatter box, a minimalist extrovert and one who has proven to be able to move to a different country, in a different continent, not knowing a soul, and coming back with a bag of magic friendship beans. Yup, me, last night, was somewhat of a disaster.

Last night, at a work event, I basically spent the evening leeching on to my friends conversations. I was once of those whom constantly had a smile on my face, and the awkward one-second-later laugh, as if to mimic the polite hyenas trying to make a statement of their presence, even amongst lions. Usually, i don't see myself as a socially awkward person. Usually. However last night, i know i was turning to sip on the glass of wine i held in my hand, far more times than words came out of my mouth!

This morning, i woke up feeling very disturbed - am i really that bad at networking? What has happened to the me who became friends with the random lady who got off the same bus and walked to the same station, only to catch the same train as me, 2 years ago? What has my friends got to say last night that captivated their audience? What skills did they poses that i don't?

That being the trouble, i did what every other millennial does these days to help solve a problem - i googled. After an excessive search of nearly a page long of research, the main idea that stuck with me was 'to be myself'. If google says that is the answer, that has to be it, right? But, what is 'being myself' is not interesting enough? What if 'being myself' is not fun enough to carry on a conversation? 

So, what is really the art of networking?

1. Say the three words

You are funny' or 'That is funny'. These are the three words you are allowed to say to a stranger that won't get you into any sort of trouble. In fact, the 3 words might just allow you to work your magic on them. Trust me, I've had people say that to me, and thought, man, i'm on a roll. That was me being sober. Try saying to someone who is a little more intoxicated than you are and experience their world change!

But really, at the end of the day, unless you are a stand up comedian, it is more important for people to find you interesting rather than funny. These three words are more of an ego booster similar to drinking somehow boosts one's confidence, and how taking a Boracca gives a fresh boost of Vitamin C to your immune system.

2.  Everything is a story to tell

A gets told, there is tab on the bar for spirits. She goes to the bar, they say no. She comes back with a beer. B, A's friend goes to the bar and comes back with a glass in her hand. A thinks it's gin and tonic, starts getting a little agitated and wonders how B got it. B says it's just water and lemon. They laugh.

B then tells that story to C. And, behold a conversation begins. A conversation purely based on.....thin air?

We surely have a way of making conversations about the weather way more interesting than scientist finding out about the 7 earth sized planets orbiting in a nearby star. Even if you are the most introvert person alive, i am sure you can say, 'it is such a nice day out there'. Another tip, exaggerate everything. For example, 'Man, it looks amazing out there!". 

In short, if talking about the weather itself is a story, remind yourself that your nail chipping, can be one too. It's just the way you tell the story that makes the difference, and that could take some practice.

3. Hold yourself up

When in a mix of a crowd, the tallest, sharpest, loudest are the ones who stands out the most. I am not asking you to be loud just for the sake of it. No, you are not just an empty vessel. You are way more than that, hold up your chin, push your shoulders back and stand up tall. Exploit the confidence in yourself and let it come across to others. Do not mistake being confidence for arrogance. 

A chameleon changes its color to its surrounding. We change the way we speak, our topic of conversations, the way we behave according to our surrounding. What we hold true, are our values. So, when they say to be yourself, they are actually asking you to stay true to your values whilst adapting to your environment.

Last night's social might not have been the best night for me. It doesn't mean it will be my last social either. No. Being comfortable with putting yourself out there takes practice, it takes time and it takes effort. You need to find the opportunities to allow you to grow these skills and more importantly to test them out. I am not going to give up. I will continue to push myself out of my comfort zone because after all, it gives us just another story to tell. 

My take on: Why do we pray?

It is true. We tend to turn to prayers when we feel as though we are struggling more so than when we feel we're on top of the world.

Then comes the question; so, do I actually believe in the higher power commonly referred to as God? In short, Yes. At least I want to. I'm choosing to. I know I probably won't be able to justify my reasonings for believing, but I do. Why? Because it gives me something to hold on to. A sense of hope. A hope that my quality of life is being optimised.

Now, does that mean I'm weak? Do I not believe that I am capable of achieving my dreams and goals without God's help? Are my dreams not enough for me to hold on to that I need to turn to a higher power, which I can't see nor touch.

Personally, I think praying is just another way for us to reinstate our dreams and to be clear about what we want in our lives. Some would write their goals and stick it on their walls, just so they could look at it everyday and remind themselves of what they need to be working towards. Just like that, prayers remind us of what we are striving for with the additional benefit that someone up there is hearing us and guiding us onto the appropriate path. Now, from that point, it doesn't sound too bad does it?

When you write down your goals on a piece of paper and try to map out the best possible route to achieving it, all by yourself, indirectly you are creating a sense of hope and excitement. You realise that you actually need to work towards those goals and it is likely achievable if you were to just sit and do nothing about it. Saying a prayer is very similar. Just because you're praying doesn't mean you need not do anything else. You still need to take actions and not just rely on your prayers. How can your prayers be answered if you don't proof yourself worthwhile?

Next comes the question of, what if my prayers are NOT answered? Welcome aboard. As i'm typing this, my eyes are feeling rather heavy and my head is spinning from the amount of crying I did today. At 2pm I received the call which put an end to my dream of getting the job that I actually believed was meant for me. I remember the interview like it was yesterday and meeting all those people on the way to the interview and my interviewers. I thought the signs couldn't have been any more clear. I was feeling great and the interview went well. There were initially three of us, then it was down to two. I just felt it was right. Was it the exact job I wanted? No. That said, it was in the right industry and it had a really good brand name and I JUST HAD A FEELING IT WAS THE RIGHT ONE. So, imagine my devastation. I was down on my knees as soon as I hung up the phone and lost control of the tears flowing. It went on for awhile. It stopped. Started again. Then it stopped. Well, you get the point.

But now, I have two options, I can either a) continue feeling the same way I felt about it when I received the call or b) Move on. As humans, we tend to look for excuses to give us a reason to do something. So, what's my reason for moving on? Simple. The job wasn't meant for me. Then why did it feel so right at the time? Because I was making myself believe it was meant for me, after all, it wasn't exactly the type of role that I am looking for, but hey, being out of a job for 2 months now, working for a massive company in a challenging environment eventhough the role wasn't right, didn't seem too much of a problem for me. But owh well!

Like the song Don't Worry, Child from Swedish House Mafia, I tell myself Heaven's got a plan for me. I just PRAY it's sooner rather than later. I see myself as a strong, confident young lady ready to embrace whatever life throws to me, but really, for now, all i'm seeking for is answers.

I just wish I knew for sure my prayers are being heard and that there IS another, better plan in store for me. Hence why, I find the strength to continue praying. Because praying somehow gives me calmness. It shifts my disappointment to a more somewhat confused place,perhaps, but the devastating feeling is replaced by a sense of hope that something better is coming along. You know why? Because i'm not giving up just yet. Not now, not ever.

That's why I think I pray. It helps me move on. Praying helps me wake up to a new tomorrow. There's a lot of thinking of mix feelings going on as I typed this entry. I hope it makes sense.

What's on the outside, counts too!!

So, yes, sometimes things could get a little complicated. And yes, more often than not, 'a little' would be an understatement

That confusing feeling which always lingers way longer in your mind, than you would expect it too. The  sense of hopelessness that follows through when you get no satisfaction out of what you're doing. The anxiety of wanting something else so very badly but not having the power to change the way things are currently. Or at least feeling as such.

All that and more heart ache is definitely no cure for the depressed soul. The soul needs to be free of all these negative emotions to be able to run wild and freely in the ocean of hope.Sometimes, instead of focusing on what is on the inside, it is better to shift our concentration to what is on the outside and let it manipulate the way you feel in the inside. Very subtly. 

If you're like me, wanting more out of your life and yet you feel like you've hit a dead end, try the below to make you feel better. This is as much of an experiment to me, as it would be for you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it works and I somehow find a road leading me out of this dead end that i'm stuck at.

1. Listen to music which makes your day

Try listening to songs which you could relate to and makes you feel like there's more to you. For example, 'Go the distance'- the Hercules soundtrack by Michael Bolton is one of my all time favourites.  It makes me feel like I'd soon be able to make that big leap I've always dreamt about and be where i want to be. 'Someday soon' by Natalie Bassingthwaighte is just another reassurance that sometimes the things that you want the most would require a little patience. But it will all be worthwhile. And in recent times, 'I was here' by Beyonce is just simply amazing. It's the kind of song that makes you want to be better for the good of others. 

2. Dress to Kill

No matter what the occasion is, pick the outfit which you know would turn the heads of many. Ladies, draw the eyeliner on, slip into that gorgeous pair of heels and let the long silky hair down. Men, put on your best suit, polish that shoe and have the tie which makes you feel the world is yours, on. 

3. Get involved in activities you enjoy doing

An easy fix to lifting up your spirit- DO THE THINGS YOU ENJOY DOING. For me, as someone who is getting less fit by the minute due to the lack of exercising, i signed up for a weekly session of zumba. I enjoy dancing. And the fact that i get my exercise for the week, is just a bonus. Some community work every now and then would be highly recommended. What could beat that satisfaction of knowing you've given up an hour of pleasure just to make someone else's day?

Lets try these 3 simple steps first, shall we? Notice the impact of all three steps on your daily thoughts. When you wake up in the morning, listen to a song which lifts up your spirit and makes you feel like you could own the world. Dress as though you're the king/queen who's going to rule the day. Always have something planned through out the day or the week that gives you something to look forward to, because you know you would enjoy it and it's going to be good for you.

The invisible bond

It was over the weekend that I was talking to a friend about the need to stay positive and how that would impact everything around us.

Take this for an example, I wake up in the morning feeling like it's going to be one amazing day. Walk into the office, everyone greets me with the usual good morning smiles. Then, I head in to my manager's office. His son, less than a year old, has just got his first green car-walker. The little one's happy and my manager's happy. We go through the discussion and everyone leaves a happy person, and the day seems brighter.

Lets take the opposite scenario. I wake up in the morning feeling like it's going to be one amazing day. Walk into the office, everyone greets me with the usual good morning smiles. Then, my manager calls me. He's had a lot on his plate and he doesn't seem to be a very happy man. Barely a toe out of line and he yells, shattering my optimism, and I'm brought down to feeling as miserable as he is. Yes, misery does love company.

Either scenario, I have the option to choose if i want to spread the positiveness that I experienced in the first scenario or the grumpiness in scenario 2. Another option I have in scenario 2 is to change that negative energy into positive energy and spread that instead.

What we may or may not noticed is that we spread the way we feel to others around us. If we are happy, they'll be able to sense it. Likewise, if we are unhappy, they will also be able to sense it. We are all connected in this world via an invisibile bond, a vibration as one may call it.

It is through this vibration that we get to feel what the others are feeling and we are affected by everyone who comes within our circle of vibration. I guess, as in all my other blogs, the key thing is to always aim to stay positive in life and never to let negativity take control. Remember, this feeling does not only affect you, but also everyone that comes in contact with you.

Try this for an example, when you wake up in the morning, tell yourself 'Today is going to be a great day'. Don't just tell yourself, live by it. Actions do speak louder than words.

On your way to work, instead of focusing only on the road ahead, try looking out your window and pause to admirer the blossoming of the flowers as the cold August wind makes room for spring. Let the smell of fresh grass linger in your senses a little longer than they usually do. Notice the cockatoos standing out amongst the flock of magpies. Acknowledge your surroundings in the way that makes you feel good about your life.

When you start feeling better about yourself, your vibration circle grows. This means it is easier for you to get connected with others. People will start noticing you. I've noticed that on days which I feel extremely positive about myself, the randoms that I meet on my way to work, they tend to take a second look at me, smile and some even go to the extend of asking, how i'm going. All within that 3 seconds that our paths crosses. And it's any random, even the limping man, in that shrugged clothing has time to greet me. At first yes, I was rather freaked out- you know, typical Asian mentality - never speak to the people you don't know. But then I realise, he was just being nice, and I started replying him too.

Bottom line is, we are all connected in this invisible bond. Share the positive energy that flows within you with others and help make their day. If they're down, don't let that bring you down either. The decision if then up to you if you want to succumb to their pressure or you could be the better person and let that go right above your head. The choice is yours.

Turning the Bitter Taste of Failure into the Futures' Nectar

So, I had recently experienced my first real failure. I have been studying for my professional papers for a while now and had sat for the final paper about a month ago. Two weeks back, the results were released and imagine my shock and disappointment when I had the words FAIL staring right at my face.  I felt like my whole career was coming crashing down. My other colleagues had passed, and I was the only one spared. Were they better than me?

I say it is my first REAL failure because I really did study for it and I was definitely expecting to pass. I had my hopes high. The family had their hopes high for me too.  And I let them down. Correction, I let myself down. I know I can re-sit for it, but, that wasn't the point. The point was that I had put in all my effort into studying for it, and yet, I somehow had not managed to achieve what I had set out to do. Where did I go wrong? A question that still bugs me when I'm awake late in the nights. Was it my over confidence? Or was it just pure un-luckiness? Perhaps it was just my expectations that things like this always has to go well for high achievers such as myself.

I gave myself a time period of a week to dwell on this matter. I would cry myself to sleep and feel so small of myself. When I woke up in the mornings, I'd cry silently, letting my tears flow along with the water from the shower. I kept on reminding myself that I needed to be stronger than this and crying over spilt milk is not going to change anything. But I still felt the disappointment in me and even as I write this now, I feel the anger and frustration that is just waiting to ruin my evening.

At the end of the week, I told myself that I have had enough and I need to change. I gave myself enough time for self pity and it is now time to move on. Do I still think of it? Well of course. But, do I let this failure take over my day? No. Not anymore. I can talk about it these days and yet, it now seems rather difficult for me to shed a tear for it. Perhaps my tears have all run dry.

That failure is now in my past. I unfortunately do not have the luxury of turning back time. I have however, the power to shape my future. I have re-enrolled for the course and will sit for the exam in October. This time, I WILL make it better. I have to.

How did I manage to overcome this blunder you ask? Simple, once realising that I was in no means to change the situation, I started shifting my focus instead. Rather than concentrating on what I didn't have (that PASS sign), I chose to see what I had. I still have my job. That's always a good start. I still have the opportunity to re sit for this. And most importantly, I still have the family support to get through this hurdle. No one labelled me as stupid for missing out on that 2 marks. It was I who had concluded that myself.

Over the weekend, we went to watch Batman- The Dark Knight Rises, and this is what I got out of it (besides of course, the fact that a well built man in a mask with a sexy voice is simply to die for) - We all fall so that we can rise again. And we do - with the support of others and the determination inside us, we rise a lot higher and never fall in the same pit again.

If you're reading this, as always, do pen down your thoughts. I'd much appreciate it.

Leading the pack

Last weekend I attended this function at a nice big hall. There was a life band and the dance floor was opened. They were inviting people to start the party, but no one went until a little girl with a pink ribbon pony tail, about 5 years old, I'd say, took centre stage.

I sat still admiring her confidence and care free self. When no other adult wanted to make the first move, this young on stood forward enjoying herself to the beat of the music. I couldn't help but wonder, what had stopped me from getting off my feet and having a good time? What happened to that 5 year old happy go lucky girl in me?  


I guess the answer was really straight forward, I was afraid of being judged. Me and the other hundreds of adults that were present, were all in the same boat- thinking of how we'd be judged had we been the first ones to start dancing.

When finally two other old men joined the girl on the dance floor, others started appearing and before you know it, almost everyone was on their feat grooving to the songs played. I suppose this is the way society as a whole is now heading towards. We wait for someone who has the guts to make the important first move and we just tag along. I'm not only specifying it to this scenario. How many of you out there had always wanted to do something, but always thought about how others would react to it? You therefore, wait until someone else had made the move before you decide it was socially acceptable to go for it? I admit, I am of no difference.

Does that mean we are all mere followers? Do we not have our own stands? Why do we have to wait for someone else to lead before we pursue our dreams?

My two cents - we lack the self confidence. We need someone else to go live our dreams before we ourselves, can believe that we are able to reach for the moon. Sadly, this applies for most of the things we do.

Here's the upside to it- we have all the control to change that. We can build up our self confidence and we can chase after our deepest desires IF we set our minds to it. A simple way to go about with this is to tell ourselves that we are good at what we are doing. We have what it takes to get where we want to be. Remind yourself this every morning when you wake up.

When you walk, walk with an upright straight posture. When you talk, look at others in their eyes. Have faith in yourself. Do the things that will increase your self assurance. Stand out from the pack and be the leader you are meant to be.

When I was at university, I wanted to finish my 3 years degree in 2.5 years for financial reasons. I was dead set on this from day one. Did I know of anyone else who had done it? No. Was I 100% sure that I could do it? Maybe not. But, was I 100% sure that it can be done? YES.

At the end of my first year, I enrolled for summer school and did the maximum 2 courses within a month of intense studying. Once that was over, I could feel my dreams within my reach and I started believing that it was indeed possible for me to finish my degree in 2.5 years. Again, at the end of my second year, I enrolled for yet another 2 summer courses and before I knew it I was only left with another semester to go. I did it. I achieved what I had set out to. Perhaps there are other people too who had done this before, but I didn't know them. And as far as I'm concerned I'm the first person I know to finish a 3 years degree in 2.5 years.

I'm not saying that following your dreams is going to be a very smooth walk. I did sacrifice a lot when I was chasing my dream, but you know what? It was all worthwhile. If you had asked me back then, if I was happy with the sacrifices I was forced to make, like giving up on my holidays? Definitely not. But, now if you ask me, was it all worthwhile? Without the slightest hesitation, YES.

When you aim for the moon, it also important to map out your journey. That would be the key thing that enables you to reach your destination as this identifies the area you need to improve on, whilst building on your self confidence. Without a map, it would be very difficult to find your way out of the jungle. When you can trust a compass to lead the way for you, why can't you trust your instinct? After all, YOU know yourself BEST.

Where's my finishing line?

Have you ever ran a 1.5km race and just sped up at the second lap because you thought the race was over? Well, with a slight grin on my face, I shyly admit that I have indeed done that. With the spectators cheering on you as you hit the last 100m of that 400m race circuit, you think to yourself that with the finishing line in sight, that perhaps this race is over and you're ahead of the pack. But before you know it, those cheers are merely a distraction that throws you off your target. It is really that easy to be distracted from reality. Yes, the spectators meant well, but it was I who chose to lose my focus and got sidetracked. In case you were wondering, this did cost me a medal!

Point is, in life, there are ample of things that could draw you away from your goal, even without you realising it. Therefore, it is extremely important to stay connected to yourself and to know exactly what you want to achieve at the end of the line.

For me, the best way to go about this is to get my priorities straight. How do you know what your priorities are? This I would say really differs among individuals. For me, at the top of my list, is my family's welfare. After that, of course, that's always that dream career that everyone of us seek to have. For you, it might be different. Perhaps number one for you would be to own that house by the beach, or  maybe it would be to drive around in that awesome car. Either way, you need to be clear about what you want at any point in time. I'm not saying that once you've made a list, it will never change. That's definitely not the case. Number ones would always change depending on the circumstances. But the idea is to know what exactly it is that is utmost important to you.


With sheer determination and a bucket full of will power, anything is possible. The sky would be your limit, if you could just get your priorities right and focus on what you want out of it. Perhaps at times you would feel as if the world had turned its back on only you or your shoulders were really sore from carrying its weight. However, you must then realise that with patience and perseverance, you may soon find yourself accomplishing and ticking off the things on your list as you go. It would be as though someone was helping remove the weight on your shoulder slowly and gently.

This goes for everything in life really. There will always be obstacles and temptations along the way, but it is essential that we stay true to our roots and remember the purpose of everything we are doing. Like the saying goes, don't sweat the small stuffs. Always remember, anything that you reckon should be of paramount importance in your eyes definitely deserves to be treated with full respect and never to be given up on. Once you have instilled this in your mind, without you realising it, all actions that you take would somehow bring you closer to changing your dream into reality. This my friend, is a fact.

A reminder I keep on telling myself- it is not good enough to keep only the finishing line in mind, it is important to calculate and note the path that has been travelled upon as that could be the difference between losing and actually hanging on to a medal.