So, I had recently experienced my first real failure. I have been studying for my professional papers for a while now and had sat for the final paper about a month ago. Two weeks back, the results were released and imagine my shock and disappointment when I had the words FAIL staring right at my face. I felt like my whole career was coming crashing down. My other colleagues had passed, and I was the only one spared. Were they better than me?
I say it is my first REAL failure because I really did study for it and I was definitely expecting to pass. I had my hopes high. The family had their hopes high for me too. And I let them down. Correction, I let myself down. I know I can re-sit for it, but, that wasn't the point. The point was that I had put in all my effort into studying for it, and yet, I somehow had not managed to achieve what I had set out to do. Where did I go wrong? A question that still bugs me when I'm awake late in the nights. Was it my over confidence? Or was it just pure un-luckiness? Perhaps it was just my expectations that things like this always has to go well for high achievers such as myself.
I gave myself a time period of a week to dwell on this matter. I would cry myself to sleep and feel so small of myself. When I woke up in the mornings, I'd cry silently, letting my tears flow along with the water from the shower. I kept on reminding myself that I needed to be stronger than this and crying over spilt milk is not going to change anything. But I still felt the disappointment in me and even as I write this now, I feel the anger and frustration that is just waiting to ruin my evening.
At the end of the week, I told myself that I have had enough and I need to change. I gave myself enough time for self pity and it is now time to move on. Do I still think of it? Well of course. But, do I let this failure take over my day? No. Not anymore. I can talk about it these days and yet, it now seems rather difficult for me to shed a tear for it. Perhaps my tears have all run dry.
That failure is now in my past. I unfortunately do not have the luxury of turning back time. I have however, the power to shape my future. I have re-enrolled for the course and will sit for the exam in October. This time, I WILL make it better. I have to.
How did I manage to overcome this blunder you ask? Simple, once realising that I was in no means to change the situation, I started shifting my focus instead. Rather than concentrating on what I didn't have (that PASS sign), I chose to see what I had. I still have my job. That's always a good start. I still have the opportunity to re sit for this. And most importantly, I still have the family support to get through this hurdle. No one labelled me as stupid for missing out on that 2 marks. It was I who had concluded that myself.
Over the weekend, we went to watch Batman- The Dark Knight Rises, and this is what I got out of it (besides of course, the fact that a well built man in a mask with a sexy voice is simply to die for) - We all fall so that we can rise again. And we do - with the support of others and the determination inside us, we rise a lot higher and never fall in the same pit again.
If you're reading this, as always, do pen down your thoughts. I'd much appreciate it.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Leading the pack
Last weekend I attended this function at a nice big hall. There was a life band and the dance floor was opened. They were inviting people to start the party, but no one went until a little girl with a pink ribbon pony tail, about 5 years old, I'd say, took centre stage.
I sat still admiring her confidence and care free self. When no other adult wanted to make the first move, this young on stood forward enjoying herself to the beat of the music. I couldn't help but wonder, what had stopped me from getting off my feet and having a good time? What happened to that 5 year old happy go lucky girl in me?
I guess the answer was really straight forward, I was afraid of being judged. Me and the other hundreds of adults that were present, were all in the same boat- thinking of how we'd be judged had we been the first ones to start dancing.
When finally two other old men joined the girl on the dance floor, others started appearing and before you know it, almost everyone was on their feat grooving to the songs played. I suppose this is the way society as a whole is now heading towards. We wait for someone who has the guts to make the important first move and we just tag along. I'm not only specifying it to this scenario. How many of you out there had always wanted to do something, but always thought about how others would react to it? You therefore, wait until someone else had made the move before you decide it was socially acceptable to go for it? I admit, I am of no difference.
Does that mean we are all mere followers? Do we not have our own stands? Why do we have to wait for someone else to lead before we pursue our dreams?
My two cents - we lack the self confidence. We need someone else to go live our dreams before we ourselves, can believe that we are able to reach for the moon. Sadly, this applies for most of the things we do.
Here's the upside to it- we have all the control to change that. We can build up our self confidence and we can chase after our deepest desires IF we set our minds to it. A simple way to go about with this is to tell ourselves that we are good at what we are doing. We have what it takes to get where we want to be. Remind yourself this every morning when you wake up.
When you walk, walk with an upright straight posture. When you talk, look at others in their eyes. Have faith in yourself. Do the things that will increase your self assurance. Stand out from the pack and be the leader you are meant to be.
When I was at university, I wanted to finish my 3 years degree in 2.5 years for financial reasons. I was dead set on this from day one. Did I know of anyone else who had done it? No. Was I 100% sure that I could do it? Maybe not. But, was I 100% sure that it can be done? YES.
At the end of my first year, I enrolled for summer school and did the maximum 2 courses within a month of intense studying. Once that was over, I could feel my dreams within my reach and I started believing that it was indeed possible for me to finish my degree in 2.5 years. Again, at the end of my second year, I enrolled for yet another 2 summer courses and before I knew it I was only left with another semester to go. I did it. I achieved what I had set out to. Perhaps there are other people too who had done this before, but I didn't know them. And as far as I'm concerned I'm the first person I know to finish a 3 years degree in 2.5 years.
I'm not saying that following your dreams is going to be a very smooth walk. I did sacrifice a lot when I was chasing my dream, but you know what? It was all worthwhile. If you had asked me back then, if I was happy with the sacrifices I was forced to make, like giving up on my holidays? Definitely not. But, now if you ask me, was it all worthwhile? Without the slightest hesitation, YES.
When you aim for the moon, it also important to map out your journey. That would be the key thing that enables you to reach your destination as this identifies the area you need to improve on, whilst building on your self confidence. Without a map, it would be very difficult to find your way out of the jungle. When you can trust a compass to lead the way for you, why can't you trust your instinct? After all, YOU know yourself BEST.
I sat still admiring her confidence and care free self. When no other adult wanted to make the first move, this young on stood forward enjoying herself to the beat of the music. I couldn't help but wonder, what had stopped me from getting off my feet and having a good time? What happened to that 5 year old happy go lucky girl in me?
I guess the answer was really straight forward, I was afraid of being judged. Me and the other hundreds of adults that were present, were all in the same boat- thinking of how we'd be judged had we been the first ones to start dancing.
When finally two other old men joined the girl on the dance floor, others started appearing and before you know it, almost everyone was on their feat grooving to the songs played. I suppose this is the way society as a whole is now heading towards. We wait for someone who has the guts to make the important first move and we just tag along. I'm not only specifying it to this scenario. How many of you out there had always wanted to do something, but always thought about how others would react to it? You therefore, wait until someone else had made the move before you decide it was socially acceptable to go for it? I admit, I am of no difference.
Does that mean we are all mere followers? Do we not have our own stands? Why do we have to wait for someone else to lead before we pursue our dreams?
My two cents - we lack the self confidence. We need someone else to go live our dreams before we ourselves, can believe that we are able to reach for the moon. Sadly, this applies for most of the things we do.
Here's the upside to it- we have all the control to change that. We can build up our self confidence and we can chase after our deepest desires IF we set our minds to it. A simple way to go about with this is to tell ourselves that we are good at what we are doing. We have what it takes to get where we want to be. Remind yourself this every morning when you wake up.
When you walk, walk with an upright straight posture. When you talk, look at others in their eyes. Have faith in yourself. Do the things that will increase your self assurance. Stand out from the pack and be the leader you are meant to be.
When I was at university, I wanted to finish my 3 years degree in 2.5 years for financial reasons. I was dead set on this from day one. Did I know of anyone else who had done it? No. Was I 100% sure that I could do it? Maybe not. But, was I 100% sure that it can be done? YES.
At the end of my first year, I enrolled for summer school and did the maximum 2 courses within a month of intense studying. Once that was over, I could feel my dreams within my reach and I started believing that it was indeed possible for me to finish my degree in 2.5 years. Again, at the end of my second year, I enrolled for yet another 2 summer courses and before I knew it I was only left with another semester to go. I did it. I achieved what I had set out to. Perhaps there are other people too who had done this before, but I didn't know them. And as far as I'm concerned I'm the first person I know to finish a 3 years degree in 2.5 years.
I'm not saying that following your dreams is going to be a very smooth walk. I did sacrifice a lot when I was chasing my dream, but you know what? It was all worthwhile. If you had asked me back then, if I was happy with the sacrifices I was forced to make, like giving up on my holidays? Definitely not. But, now if you ask me, was it all worthwhile? Without the slightest hesitation, YES.
When you aim for the moon, it also important to map out your journey. That would be the key thing that enables you to reach your destination as this identifies the area you need to improve on, whilst building on your self confidence. Without a map, it would be very difficult to find your way out of the jungle. When you can trust a compass to lead the way for you, why can't you trust your instinct? After all, YOU know yourself BEST.
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