The Small Things in Life that Matter

I have had my share of ups and downs but I have also decided that it is time for me to start enjoying my life. That is my turning point.

Until two years ago, I was pretty much a lost soul. I thought I had everything figured out in life, and when things didn't work out the way I wanted it to, I would feel like a little girl in school being punished to stand at the corner of the classroom while my classmates enjoyed the sunny weather outside.

Needless to say, when I took up a job in a small firm which I really wasn't enjoying- in the big city, where the number of people I knew could be counted with just the fingers on one hand-it felt like I was thrown to drown in the open sea. Without a float.

But I knew how to swim, and although the shore seemed a fair distance a way, I knew I had to somehow gather all strength and swim in that direction.

It was that day on my way back on the bus, looking at all these people dressed up so professionally and satisfied with their day's work that I reflected on my life and without realising it, tears started swelling in the corner of my eyes. With all effort, I tried to wipe it away very discreetly. But it just kept flowing. I was thankful when my stop finally came. By then, I was feeling so sick. Sick of my life. And that's the worst type of sickness one can ever experience.

I was so sick in my mind, that I started feeling sick physically. I was tired and I felt like throwing up. Dinner was the last thing on my mind. I went to bed that night wondering what was wrong with me and where I went wrong in life?

It was at that point that I realised I had put myself through all that misery. It was I whom wanted to look at how happy others were while feeling sorry for myself. It was I who decided to dwell on it while on my way back that day. It was I who had made myself feel so sick in the head that I had to throw up. It was I who didn't love my life. Was I going to put myself through that again?

I decided I was better than that and I made a promise to myself that it will never happen again. Note to self: that was early 2010, two years have passed since and i've lived up to the promise. I deserve a pat on the back.

I learnt my lesson that day- the only reason why I felt so sick was because I was being critically judgmental on myself. I didn't like the way things were, and I felt trapped. I felt it was out of my control to make things better. But when I got over it, I realised that I was the only one here who was not allowing myself to enjoy all the small things in life and only focused on what others had, that I didn't.

Once I started enjoying the bus rides, the 10 minutes walk to work through the pleasant park in the middle of the city, the sound of the water splashing from the nearby swimming pool and the birds chipping away to a good way- I knew my life was heading for a better start. And I was right. It was also convenient that I had the song 'A New Day' by Celine Dion playing on my Ipod.

With some help, I changed my view in life. I changed my views on the way I did things I hated.  I started seeing the small things in life that matter. I had changed. So did the things around me. And this is what I will be writing about next.